Does This Outfit Make me Look Fat?

I used to think this question was a joke. It’s not funny anymore. I ask it every time I get dressed to go out. Worse, if the answer is, “yes,” the outfit goes in the donate to charity bag. I pay more attention to compliments. Whenever I get one, I make a mental note and hang that outfit in a special section of my closet for keepers (so when I want to look especially good, I can grab one of those outfits).

I’ve developed some rules of thumb to keep in mind when I shop:
1. Don’t trust the department store mirrors! I swear to you they have installed skinny mirrors. I know this because when I try on outfits at the store, they look great on me so I buy them. But when I get home, I look like the fat lady in the circus.
2. Go for dark, columns of color (black, navy, dark brown, burgundy, forest green, or charcoal). If I want to add color, I’ll add a long scarf that ties and drapes down the front. (No big flower print or big plaids…and no horizontal stripes)
3. I have a round face - so, no round necklines. V-necks and scoop necklines elongate the neck. (That includes necklaces. They have to be 18” or longer).
4. I’m short-waisted so, if I wear a belt it has to be the same color as what I’m wearing and it has to be big enough to hang like a hip hugger. I almost never tuck in a blouse. If I do, I wear a belt that matches the top, not the skirt (because if it matches the skirt, it shortens your neck to waist area even more. By having the belt the same color as the top, you give the illusion of a longer torso.)
5. No gathered or pleated skirts or pants (they just add more bulk to your middle).
6. Wear fitted jackets, not the boxy ones.
7. Wear a feminine pointy-toe shoe with at least a 1" heel (to lengthen your legs).

What amazes me is that in this day and age, when everybody knows that over 60% of women are overweight, why aren’t there designers who design for us? I have to shop in the plus-size department and all the clothes look like they were designed by Omar the tent maker. My daughters were always complaining about the clothes I bought so I took them with me. After spending about three minutes in that department, they looked at each other, then me, and said, “Oh. I see what you mean. Sorry mom.” They got it.

When I was younger and thinner, shopping was a no brainer, and fun. Now it is a science, and a chore…and usually not worth the effort. Even when following all the rules, you’re only going to look ten pounds thinner, at best. So, as long as you are more than 20 lbs. overweight, the answer to the question is always going to be, “yes!” So lose weight, or get over it.

(Just look at the difference just changing your top and shoes can make.)

P.S. This is what my husband had to say about it: "It's not the outfit that makes you look fat, it's the FAT that makes you look fat." (Where's a baseball bat when you need one? I think I need to do a blog about what NOT to say to women. )