Act Your Age

Is this the look you were going for? Really?

I was at the mall today and I was surprised at what the forty-plus crowd was wearing.

In our attempts to look and feel younger, we often go too far without realizing it. I love Juicy Couture – but I know better than to try to wear anything with writing on my butt.
Anyone over the age of forty has no business wearing Juicy clothing, leggings as pants, Croc shoes, or backpacks. There is a certain sophistication that comes with aging. That’s one thing we shouldn’t give up in our attempt to stop the clock.

And P.S. if you think you look “cool” because your teenage daughter tells you so, think again. Teenagers have no taste. If you dress like your daughter, people will think you are on your way to a Halloween party. You should be setting an example for your children and teaching them what is acceptable and what is not. You’re the mom – act like one.

Read what this hilarious blogger has to say about this topic:

"1. Writing on your bottom: This is a no brainer. If I had something written on my tush it would probably read "Wide Load" or "Wet Paint". This is one of those fashion trends that I thought was rather ridiculous to begin with.

2. String bikini: HAHAHA! Oo! I think I ruptured something there. No one, not even me, wants to see this pasty white body in a string bikini."

for more, go to: (a mild woman’s ramblings..)

As for me, I'm saving the Juicy derrière for my dreams.

I can dream can't I?

Shoes, shoes, and more shoes....

What is it with women and shoes? Why do we buy into the hype? Pointed toes so sharp they could poke the eye out of a spider, heels so high we can't walk in them - there are even women who have surgery on their feet in order to fit into Manolo Blahniks. I remember the day the New York Times blasted Imelda Marcos for owning 300 pair of shoes. Women across America were in their closets counting and whispering, "and the problem with that is...?"

I owned a pair of shoes once that I adored. They were absolutely adorable wedges. Unfortunately, they weren't very stable and I fell three times before I finally threw them out. It wasn't the falls that deterred me - fashion took precedence over falling...until I actually hurt myself and required stitches - that's when I finally made the decision to toss them.

My biggest problem with shoes has been trying to find them in my size. I've always been on the outer limits of the manufacturer's size charts: I graduated from high school wearing a size 9 AA shoe. After I had Amy I wore a 9-1/2 AA. After Jennifer, a 10 AA. By the time I was 50 I wore a 10-1/2 AA. The last pair I bought was an 11. (They'll have to bury me barefoot - it's dang hard to find a shoe bigger than a size 11)

(footnote: I did a little research and found out that Imelda Marcos was actually accused of having 3,000 pair of shoes. But she vehemently denied that. She said she only had 1,060)

Does This Outfit Make me Look Fat?

I used to think this question was a joke. It’s not funny anymore. I ask it every time I get dressed to go out. Worse, if the answer is, “yes,” the outfit goes in the donate to charity bag. I pay more attention to compliments. Whenever I get one, I make a mental note and hang that outfit in a special section of my closet for keepers (so when I want to look especially good, I can grab one of those outfits).

I’ve developed some rules of thumb to keep in mind when I shop:
1. Don’t trust the department store mirrors! I swear to you they have installed skinny mirrors. I know this because when I try on outfits at the store, they look great on me so I buy them. But when I get home, I look like the fat lady in the circus.
2. Go for dark, columns of color (black, navy, dark brown, burgundy, forest green, or charcoal). If I want to add color, I’ll add a long scarf that ties and drapes down the front. (No big flower print or big plaids…and no horizontal stripes)
3. I have a round face - so, no round necklines. V-necks and scoop necklines elongate the neck. (That includes necklaces. They have to be 18” or longer).
4. I’m short-waisted so, if I wear a belt it has to be the same color as what I’m wearing and it has to be big enough to hang like a hip hugger. I almost never tuck in a blouse. If I do, I wear a belt that matches the top, not the skirt (because if it matches the skirt, it shortens your neck to waist area even more. By having the belt the same color as the top, you give the illusion of a longer torso.)
5. No gathered or pleated skirts or pants (they just add more bulk to your middle).
6. Wear fitted jackets, not the boxy ones.
7. Wear a feminine pointy-toe shoe with at least a 1" heel (to lengthen your legs).

What amazes me is that in this day and age, when everybody knows that over 60% of women are overweight, why aren’t there designers who design for us? I have to shop in the plus-size department and all the clothes look like they were designed by Omar the tent maker. My daughters were always complaining about the clothes I bought so I took them with me. After spending about three minutes in that department, they looked at each other, then me, and said, “Oh. I see what you mean. Sorry mom.” They got it.

When I was younger and thinner, shopping was a no brainer, and fun. Now it is a science, and a chore…and usually not worth the effort. Even when following all the rules, you’re only going to look ten pounds thinner, at best. So, as long as you are more than 20 lbs. overweight, the answer to the question is always going to be, “yes!” So lose weight, or get over it.

(Just look at the difference just changing your top and shoes can make.)

P.S. This is what my husband had to say about it: "It's not the outfit that makes you look fat, it's the FAT that makes you look fat." (Where's a baseball bat when you need one? I think I need to do a blog about what NOT to say to women. )

Label Whores

(Paris Hilton at Bondi Beach in Louis Vuitton bikini)

The first time I heard that expression I was shocked. It has such a nasty ring to it. But the person who used it was referring to Paris Hilton and how she only wore designer dresses, shoes, bags, & jewelry. Label whores want everyone to know they are wearing designer labels, so they seek out things with the designer's name all over it (Gucci, Louis Vuitton, etc.)

I never wore designer clothes because I was never willing to pay the high prices. But the older I get, the heavier I get, and it is so depressing shopping for clothes, that I've started "fat-girl" shopping - which means I shop for shoes, handbags and jewelry. When I turned 60 I bought my first designer handbag. Now I have my eye on a pair of designer shoes. Oh oh. I'm getting dangerously close to being called a nasty name.