Shoes, shoes, and more shoes....

What is it with women and shoes? Why do we buy into the hype? Pointed toes so sharp they could poke the eye out of a spider, heels so high we can't walk in them - there are even women who have surgery on their feet in order to fit into Manolo Blahniks. I remember the day the New York Times blasted Imelda Marcos for owning 300 pair of shoes. Women across America were in their closets counting and whispering, "and the problem with that is...?"

I owned a pair of shoes once that I adored. They were absolutely adorable wedges. Unfortunately, they weren't very stable and I fell three times before I finally threw them out. It wasn't the falls that deterred me - fashion took precedence over falling...until I actually hurt myself and required stitches - that's when I finally made the decision to toss them.

My biggest problem with shoes has been trying to find them in my size. I've always been on the outer limits of the manufacturer's size charts: I graduated from high school wearing a size 9 AA shoe. After I had Amy I wore a 9-1/2 AA. After Jennifer, a 10 AA. By the time I was 50 I wore a 10-1/2 AA. The last pair I bought was an 11. (They'll have to bury me barefoot - it's dang hard to find a shoe bigger than a size 11)

(footnote: I did a little research and found out that Imelda Marcos was actually accused of having 3,000 pair of shoes. But she vehemently denied that. She said she only had 1,060)

Dirt

I may lose a few of you here. You may think I’m headed for the funny farm. (deep breath) I collect dirt. Not salacious gossip kind of dirt. The brown stuff you plant things in. I started collecting dirt when I was in high school and embarked on my first travel abroad. I went to Greece and Turkey. I was sitting on the steps of the Parthenon on the Acropolis and noticed all the tiny specs of marble in the dirt. I thought to myself, “This marble used to be part of the Parthenon. How cool would it be to take some home with me.” So, I reached in my backpack, took out a film canister and scooped up a tablespoon full and labeled it. From then on, I would bring back a film canister of dirt from where ever I traveled. I later found some clear plastic test tubes and transferred all my dirt and relabeled them. A friend of mine made a special display case for me and voila - A dirt collection.

Before you get all excited and decide to start your own dirt collection, I have to warn you: Some places (like the Parthenon) are on to us. There are actually signs posted now warning tourists not to take the dirt! (I guess if everyone who went there did that, the Parthenon would be on flat land instead of a hill. If I ever go there again, maybe I'll bring the dirt back...or not.)

My Favorite Joke:

I know, a joke is not a blog. But hey, blogs should be entertaining right? I don't know about you, but I seem to be on everyone's mass mailing list for jokes and I get hundreds of ridiculous e-mails. I usually delete them without even reading them. However, once in a while (when I'm bored) I'll read them. Here's one that I was glad I read:

Mr. and Mrs. smith went to the doctor's office. after Mr. smith's checkup, the doctor called his wife into his office alone for a chat.

The doctor said, "if you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Every morning, make him a healthy breakfast; do your utmost to keep him in a good mood; for every lunch, make sure he has a balanced meal; for dinners, serve him full courses with a glass of wine; don't burden him with chores; don't worry him with your problems; and most importantly, shower him with kisses at least several times a day and be sure to satisfy his needs."

On the way home, Mr. Smith asked his wife what the doctor had told her.

"He said you're going to die." she replied.

My Heroes:

Our founding fathers signing the Declaration of Independence

Who are my heroes? Do I look up to movie stars, rock stars, sports figures, or politicians? No (although looking at their salaries one would assume that those are truly our idols). I suppose I used to think they were pretty special, but the older I get, the more I realize that they are not that terribly important. the people I most admire are those that put everything on the line for what they believe in: The soldiers who are risking their lives every day in Iraq: The firemen who ran up the stairs of the Twin Towers on 9/11; Policemen who work in dangerous communities; People who live a life of service (school teachers, nurses, soccer coaches, people who work with the blind, handicapped, deaf, etc., people who volunteer at the special Olympics) - these are the people I most admire.

Who am I forgetting? I know, our founding fathers risked their lives for us as well - and I truly do admire them. Unfortunately, there are none like them today. Who am I kidding - there has NEVER been anyone like them since (what a sad commentary on our political history).

Chocolate

Women are obsessed with chocolate. We make up any excuse to eat it (as evidenced by this article which made its way around the country via e-mails)

”Chocolate is a vegetable: Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean is a vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your
appetite, and you'll eat less.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?

(By the way, ‘Stressed’ spelled backward is ‘desserts.’ )”

Me? I'm following in the footsteps of the world's oldest woman. She eats two pounds of chocolate a week!