Rappin' Grandma

One thing you'd be surprised to learn about me is that I am very fly. I've got the down low on J Lo, Lohan, and Brangelina. I'm even into gangsta rap! (Push play on the "Tea Partay" video link to kick it old school!)

(I know it's a joke - don't send me "You're retarded" e-mails.) I'm blogging aren't I? I have a My Space page. How cool am I?

Word from yo' mutha! Peace out.

Conspicuous Consumption

How’s this for one-uping the Joneses:

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston spent $1 million on their wedding
Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta Jones = $1.5 to $2 million
Donald Trump’s wedding to Melania cost $4 million (her dress alone was $200,000) -that, of course, doesn't count the
. . .$35 million it cost him to build the ballroom he added to his home to house the reception.
Not to be outdone, Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes wedding was rumored to be $5 million
The richest man in Australia (James Packer) was rumored to have spent $6 million

(Do I hear $7 Million? )

It’s not just weddings that get out of hand. Naomi Campbell spent $1.8 million for her 36th birthday party in Dubai (can’t wait to see what she does for her 40th).

Malcolm Forbes spent $2.5 million on his 70th birthday (he flew 800 of the world's rich and famous (including Elizabeth Taylor, who was his co-host) to the Tangiers event.

Kimora Lee Simmons spent $30,000 on her Christmas tree!

Donatella Versace never leaves the house without wearing at least $190,000 worth of jewelry.

You can buy a $5,000 hamburger in Las Vegas at the Fleur de Lys in Mandalay Bay. It is a Kobe burger containing foie gras, a truffle sauce, and is served on a brioche truffle bun with black truffles on the side. It comes with champagne (you get to keep the glass) and a certificate proving your purchase (so you can brag to all your friends ). Vegas also boasts a $1,000 martini (at the Capital Grille in Las Vegas.) The "High Roller," named for the Vegas Strip, includes a diamond pave ring. For each cocktail sold, about $500 goes to Share our Strength, a charity that battles hunger around the globe. I'm not a drinker myself, but if you are, you might want to try it. Ingredients: 1 1/2 oz vodka, 3/4 oz Grand Marnier® orange liqueur, 2 - 3 drops grenadine syrup, and 4 oz orange juice.

Chicago has a $950 Ruby Red Martini created by Pete Gugni, a manager at the trendy Reserve Club in downtown Chicago (it is garnished with a 1 carat ruby at the bottom of the glass). Again, for you drinkers out there who are curious, here's the recipe:

Ruby Red Martini Recipe:

Stir together these ingredients (the gemstone is optional):

1.5 ounces Grey Goose L'Orange vodka

0.5 ounce Hpnotiq cognac

0.5 ounce orange juice

0.25 ounce Pama (pomegranate) liqueur

A splash Dom Perignon champagne ($120 to $130 a bottle)

If you want a vacation to top all vacations, you can take a 10-day trip to the International Space Station for $20 million and for an extra $15 million you can take a 90-minute walk in space. Now that’s an out-of-this-world vacation!

In the affluent community of Rancho Santa Fe, the Brandes flew in Elton John to perform at their wedding (he gave them a red piano and autographed it in gold ink). Paul McCartney was flown in for Wendy Whitworth’s 40th birthday party - they’ve since divorced. ( “Can’t buy me love”)

Even with all the conspicuous consumption going on, when asked what they really really want, they will all tell you: “good health, happy children, and peace of mind.” (yeah, right). When I consider how those funds could have been used for more humanitarian purposes, it grieves me. I don't think these "peacocks" would spend their money in this manner if there were not others to watch and envy them. To me, ostentatious living is vulgar.
(Note to any wanna be peacocks out there, ...a whale only gets harpooned when it comes up to spout.)

I think this is what the Lord was cautioning us about when he warned us that although we must live IN the world, we are not to be OF the world. We are called to a higher standard.

Letter to My Younger Self:

When I was sixteen, I wrote a letter to myself to be read when I turned twenty-one. Then when I was twenty-one, I wrote a letter to myself to be read when I turned thirty. It was interesting to see what was important to me and what I thought I would be doing at the next stage of my life – compared to what I was “actually” doing. It never occurred to me to write a letter to my “younger” self. However, after reading “What I know Now” I’ve been thinking about what advice I would give to myself if I could go back in time knowing what I know now.

I would talk to my thirty-year-old self and say, “you are NOT fat, you are NOT stupid, you are NOT dorky. Quit comparing yourself to what you think you should be. Enjoy the piece of chocolate that is in your mouth right now instead of thinking about what you’re going to choose to eat next, and after that. There is always going to be someone who is better looking than you, thinner than you, smarter than you, and richer than you – don’t even think about them. Focus on your own talents and continually look for ways to share that talent with others. Don’t dwell on the past. Don’t dwell on the future. Live in the present – because really, that’s what each day is - a present (gift). Open it with enthusiasm in the morning and put it away each night looking forward to what tomorrow morning will bring you (what new challenge? What new opportunity?). Do everything you do to the best of your ability. You are stronger than you think. Don't let fear hold you back. The consequences of all that you fear are not nearly as bad as the regret of what is missed while standing on the sidelines. You are better than you think you are and you will accomplish more than you ever thought possible.”

I thought I was fat because when I watched the Miss America pageants the contestants that were my height (5’9”) weighed 115 lbs and I weighed 135 lbs. I thought I had no talents because I couldn’t sing, dance or play the piano (I didn’t know being thoughtful, kind, and a good listener were talents). I thought I was stupid because I had a short-term memory. I did well in school until it came time for finals at the end of the year. I had to study all the material over again because I couldn’t remember what I had learned at the beginning of the semester. I thought I was a dork because most of my friends were dorks (I was always nice to the kids that the other kids picked on). Now I look at photos of my younger self and want to kick my butt.

$50 Million Dollar Charitable Donation

I was watching Lipstick Jungle last night (I know, I’m a loser) and the multi-billionaire boyfriend bought a Van Gogh painting at auction for $50 million dollars. That really got my blood boiling. If I had $50 million that didn’t mean anything to me, I’d rather see it do some good for society. But what would I do? I think I’d rather give one million to fifty causes than to give it all to one. What do you think?

How about a compromise: I think the first thing I would do is buy (or build) an apartment complex to provide free housing for the homeless – probably two: one in a residential area for families with children and a different one near a treatment center for those with drug and/or alcohol addictions, or mental problems. Then with whatever was left, I’d do things for children ( a million each to: the Make a Wish Foundation, the Ronald McDonald House, local foster care facilities, Cystic Fibrosis, Special Olympics, etc.)

If I were going to start a charity, I’d want to help families who have had to declare bankruptcy due to medical expenses incurred trying to cure, or manage, a family member’s illness (childhood cancers, deformities, etc.) I’d want to help them get back on their feet again (buy a home, college fund for children, etc.)

What would YOU do???

"Millenial's"

I’ve always considered myself a “baby boomer” even though I was born a few years before the official start of that generation. The “Greatest Generation” ended in 1924, so I can’t lay claim to that one. Generation X is from 1965 to 1982 - Not it. There really isn’t a name for us in-betweeners (except maybe “pot heads” – and I wasn’t one of those) unless you just want to call us “Tweeners” (and I don’t like the sound of that – so I’m sticking with “baby boomer” ).

The next generation of note is the “Millenial’s” – those born between 1980 and 2000. Seems to me this tag should have started with those born in 2000 – but no one asked me. Their claim to fame is that they are the Luxury generation. There’s an expectation that they deserve luxury now – it’s not something you wait for and earn. They are called the prematurely affluent generation. (I want to be them).

I’ve always wondered who was buying all the Louis Vuitton’s, Chanel’s, Gucci’s, etc. The ads in the magazines always feature extremely chic attractive young women. I thought it was their way of saying, “if you buy our products you’ll look like this.” But now I realize that what they are saying is, “if you look like this, buy our products.” That is their target demographic.

I know what you're thinking..."Only in America...." But, no. It's even bigger in China and Saudi Arabia.

What I want to know is this….who’s paying for it???? How can twenty somethings afford this lifestyle? I’m baffled.

Minimize Your Regrets

We've all said or done things we wish we hadn't. For us average blokes, those things slip under the radar and don't come back to haunt us - but you never know. The minute you become a person of interest, all hell can break loose.

I was watching the Doctor Phil show a few weeks ago and he said something that should be written down on a sticky note and stuck on every bathroom mirror around the globe: "When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences."

I'll bet you a nickel President Clinton wishes he had given a little forethought to his decision to engage in a little foreplay in the oval office - and Eliot Spitzer wishes he hadn't hooked up with a hooker.

My mother wasn't big on giving me advice when I was growing up. But the one thing I remember was her telling me not to do anything that could come back to haunt me later. She said, "you don't know now what you will be doing in the future. What if you marry someone who has political aspirations and runs for office and the press finds out you experimented with drugs, or there are nude photos of you floating around somewhere." I took that counsel to heart and never went down those roads (or anything close to them). I'm a happier person as a result of the choices I've made in my life.

Think before you act and you will minimize your regrets.