I Dare You...

No, I DOUBLE dare you to ask for this blush at the make up counter.

A few months ago I had a large basket of groceries so I thumbed through a magazine while I was waiting to be checked out. I ran across an article about the year's best make up products. I gasped when I read their pick for the best blush. The name of it made me blush. I thought, "How could they get away with that?" (the name of the blush was "Orgasm" by NARS).

A few weeks later I was at the mall and I stopped to check out blushes because the one I'd been using had been discontinued [That could be a whole blog - but I'll shorten it for you: When I was a teenager, my favorite lip and nail color was Mocha Polka. I was heartsick when it was discontinued so I wrote to the manufacturer and they wrote back saying, in effect, "We only discontinue colors that nobody likes so if you didn't have such bad taste in colors, we wouldn't discontinue them." (Well, they said it in a kinder, gentler way - but that's what they meant.)] So, back to the blush. I remembered that NARS had the best blushes so I went to the counter and tried out various colors until I found the one I liked. The color names weren't displayed so I had no idea what the name of it was and I didn't have my reading glasses with me so I couldn't have read it anyway. When I got home, I liked the color so much I decided I wanted to buy some more (just in case it gets discontinued) and when I got my magnifying glass out, I discovered it was "orgasm!" Which told me two things. They were right about the color being good on everyone; and that apparently my taste in colors has improved over the years.

There was no way I was going to go back and ask for it. So I went online to order it. I still couldn't believe that they named a product that name and thought maybe it was some kind of mistake. But when I saw that they sold a gift set containing the blush and a lipstick to match and they called it "Multiple Orgasm," I knew it was no mistake. That says a lot about our society. How sad is that?

P.S. I didn't buy the extra blush. That was my way of protesting - as if they'd ever know - or care.

November, 2008 - I guess my boycott didn't work. Another brand (Rock & Republic) has jumped on the bandwagon with three new blushes: Kinky, Immoral, and X-Rated.

Anti-Aging skin products

This must be a billion dollar industry because every skin care manufacturer has an anti-aging line. Not just a product, a whole series of products. Each one targets a specific problem you weren't even aware you had until they pointed it out. Age spots (I thought they were freckles), cellulite (I hadn't really spent any time checking out my backside in the mirror), wrinkles (if you need a magnifying mirror to see them, you don't need the product), dull skin, etc. I didn't know I needed a serum to make my eyelashes grow longer and thicker - I thought that was what mascara was for. There is a cell renewal emulsion that speeds up cell turnover, prevents wrinkles, and keeps you from getting age spots. Who knew? I also need an intense hydrating cream - one for my face, and another for my body (and it should have copper in it. Don't know why), and a firming cream (gotta have that). Almost every product has sunscreen so by the time you put on the actual liquid, cream or powder to "even out your complexion and add that rosy glow" you've layered an spf 15 over a 10 over a 20. But that doesn't give you an spf of 45. Your spf protection is only the highest you applied. In this case 20. And if none of those products had a UV protection, you're still going to get burned and wrinkled.

There is a special product just for those fine lines and wrinkles cropping up around your lips. Don't forget the eye cream. You can't just use face cream. Eye cream is specially formulated for the tender skin around your eyes.

Of course, before you apply all of the above, you need to start out with a squeeky clean face. So you need a gentle scrub to exfoliate, and a toner to close the pores afterward. A pore minimizing cream or lotion is also a good thing, right?

Apparently if I had been using Vitamin K, I wouldn't have any spider veins. The sun and tanning booths are no no's so you need a self-tanner to hide the little buggers (again, one for the body and one for the face).

All these products have been "clinically proven" to work. So they must work, right?

Now that I've added all these products to my beauty routine, I need an extra suitcase when I travel. However, on my last trip, the airline lost one of my bags, you guessed it - the "make up bag." I haven't bothered to replace anything and you know what? I haven't aged a day. I'm doing just fine without it/them.

Have any of you found any products that actually do what they say they'll do? I'd really like to know.